1. Hang out in the same business establishment. All. The. Damn. Time.
Warner Bros.
It’s good to support a local business, but the same place all the time? It would start to get just a little weird after a while.
2. Hail a taxi and have one show up right away.
Warner Bros.
If you could do this in real life people would think that you have some kind of semi-rubbish superpower.
3. Be overly descriptive when talking on the telephone.
NBCUniversal
“Hello, this is Character Name. Oh, hello Second Character. Yes, I can lend you a lawnmower.”
4. And never end a telephone conversation by saying goodbye.
20th Television
If you constantly do this to your friends in the real world, the chances are that all of your friends hate you.
5. Have kids who conveniently and inexplicably disappear for long periods of time and come back looking much older than they should.
Warner Bros.
Seriously, if this is happening with the child of someone you know, call social services.
6. Develop a personal catchphrase.
Warner Bros.
Two types of people have catchphrases: TV characters and assholes.
7. Have a near-violent hatred towards your parents-in-law.
CBS Television
At least try to keep it civilised if you really can’t stand them.
8. Casually pause to let a joke sink in.
CBS Television
You’d just seem kind of arrogant tbh.
9. And make a joke every other sentence.
NBCUniversal
It would get tiring pretty damn fast.
10. Have 20+ significant relationships over the course of 10 years.
Warner Bros.
Where would you find the time?!
11. Live in a huge house/apartment that’s way beyond your means.
20th Television
Hello unpayable mortgage and future bankruptcy.
12. Commit actions with no regard for future consequences.
20th Television
You’d end up in one place: prison.
13. Enter your friend’s property without even having the courtesy to knock.
Warner Bros.
Doorbells exist for a reason.
14. Always make a dramatic entrance.
Sony Pictures Television
Why would you even do this?!
15. Have a sibling you’ve never mentioned before suddenly show up unannounced.
Warner Bros.
“Oh lol, this is my sister I’ve never mentioned. She’s just going to hang around for a couple of days and fuck shit up a bit.”
16. Not be able to clear up easy misunderstandings.
20th Television
17. Have all of your jokes be met with laughter.
Sony Pictures Television
I’m sorry, but no one is that funny all the time.
18. Speak over the TV.
Netflix
TV time is quiet time.
19. Have no extended friends outside of your small group.
20th Television
The chances are that at least one of you would have some other friends.
20. Never go to work.
Warner Bros.
If you spent every morning in a coffee shop in real life, your boss would get a little shouty.
21. And be woefully incompetent at your job but somehow still get to keep it.
Comedy Central
Kind of wish this was possible tbh.
22. Get into relationships super fast.
Netflix
Unfortunately you don’t get to skip from the first date to the 10th.
23. And always meet your future partner in romantic scenarios, rather than through Tinder.
20th Television
It’s so much more lovely, but also kind of unrealistic.
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